Recyclers Do It Twice

Spring is fast approaching here in Boston, and you know what that means: Figawi, copious amounts of sangria, and roof deck action (sexual and otherwise), which means less time to be on the hunt for new hookup prospects, and more time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. After what I would like to consider a banner year so far in the bone zone, I am finally looking to stop adding notches on my belt. No, I'm not settling down, but instead, recycling. Going green isn't just about plastic and paper, people. It's about your dignity, keeping your number down, and hooking up with a guy who already knows what you like, so you don't have to go through that awkward stage where you tell him you like your hair pulled and you get a confused look in return. What? So I like it when you're rough! Sue me. 

Not much beats a recycled romp. You already know the best morning after routes to avoid any walk of shame mishaps. He knows how to get you off. (And dear God, if he doesn't, why on Earth are you going back for more?) And, most importantly, it's an ego boost. If a guy is asking for Round 2, or in my case Round 5, you must be doing something right. Now, do I think any of these recycled goods have boyfriend potential? Sure I do, but I'm not necessarily going to act on it. Why ruin a good rotation? There's something so empowering about being in control of your sex life. If you want to get laid with the 6'6 basketball player who makes you feel like a rag doll, do it. The guy with the tongue that runs on Energizer batteries just texted you; send him a reply. Feel like cuddling? Hell yeah, I'm going to hit up my little black book; I have a snuggler in there some where!

I don't understand why more women don't take control of their sack session schedules. 9 times out of 10, if you aren't getting laid, you are no fun to be around. Your estrogen levels are too high for your own good, and you're overly emotional ass is pounding Ben & Jerry's as opposed to Hottie McScottie from two months ago. So he didn't text you back that one time. Build a bridge and get over it! Or as my man, Tupac, puts it: "Just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on." Twenty bucks says he's still willing to ride you like The Cyclone at Coney Island a few more times. Men aren't the only ones with carnal needs that have to be satisfied, which makes it important to master your inner recycling powers so you can get in, get off, and get the hell out of there.

Even Ryan Gosling knows recycling is good for you.

To be clear, if you haven't caught on already, this is not relationship advice. This is purely for your sanity. I know too many good girls who have been ruined by a dry spell. Take this as a public service announcement and don't let that be you! There has got to be a stud in your arsenal that you can work into your 'green-routine". So, support recylcing, and wear the same clothes as you did last night. What? I never said it was going to be pretty...

'Til next time,
A Babe In Boston