Stride of Pride

Walking downtown this morning wearing last night’s outfit made me feel more victorious than shameful. Just an hour before, I was having morning sex and topping it off with a ham, egg, and cheese sandwich and some daytime television with my newest distraction, Chay. He is one of those guys that just makes casual sex so simple. Friends with benefits can get complicated, and the last thing you want to do is get mixed up in a physical situation where only one person starts developing feelings for the other. I haven’t known Chay long enough to say that he definitely won’t start liking me (because let’s face it, I’m so darn charming), but I have a feeling this has been his MO in the past, so I’m not worried.

There are a few rules that comes with generating a friends with benefits relationships, though:

Rule #1: Keep yourself clean.
Ladies, the minute you stop shaving your box, brushing your teeth before morning sex, and all of the other maintenance that is associated with looking like the hot piece of ass I know you are, he will loose interest and stop booty calling you, which defeats the purpose of a “sex only” relationship! On that note: Guys, if she takes the time to shower right before she comes over to your place, channel your inner vagenius and thank her... with your mouth. Other than that, just keep it together down there. “Manscaping” isn’t just a word they use in Cosmo and we don’t want to have to dig through the Amazon to get to your goodies.

Rule #2: Try new things.
A FWB relationship is not the time to be shy in bed. You want to know what it’s like to get choked, have a finger stuck where it hasn’t been before, or bring guacamole into the bedroom? Well, now is the time to grab the bull by the horns, and get a little weird. You might be thinking “Double you tee eff, why would I do all this crazy stuff with someone I don’t even know?” Just remember, one of the best parts of having a f-buddy is that the bedroom is a judgement free zone. So do yourself a favor and invest in some lube, edible underwear, and maybe a whip or two. Hey, don’t knock it ‘til you try it, right?

Rule #3: Leave your emotions at the door.
For most of you reading this, I know this goes without saying. But for the few crazies out there who actively try to generate relationships from sexual encounters, listen up. It doesn’t work! This mostly pertains to women because let’s face it, Crazy Bitch wasn’t written about a 25-year-old, male, financial advisor. So ladies, if you can’t take the heat, throw your skinny jeans back on and high tail it out of the bedroom because you are ruining it for the rest of us who can successfully maintain a casual sexual relationship. And gentlemen, the minute you ask me out for dinner, to cuddle, or if I am seeing anyone else, it’s over. I have no qualms about kicking your emotional ass to the curb.

With that said, wish me luck on my latest endeavor. I’m taking an emotional hiatus from Triathlete for a little while, so I’m going to need all the sex I can get in the meantime. Keep your fingers crossed that Chay turns out to be the f-buddy I know he can, and when I tell him to make me climax 5 times in one night, he says “challenge accepted”.

'Til next time,

A Babe In Boston