Here's to the Freakin' Weekend

This weekend I am getting my drink on. Yo-hoe-lo! We're talking gin and tonics, champagne, champagne, and more champagne, some kamikazes, scotch, and probably some more champagne. There's something so cathartic about going out with your girlfriends and getting hammered. The only problem is, all of the other bitches at the bar. Let's face it, if they were your friends they would be the coolest chicks in there, but the sheer fact that they aren't hanging out with you, makes them the most horrible people in the world. Is she wearing the same shoes as you? Poser. Is she macking on the guy you want to take home? Slore. Is she channeling her inner Lohan and having a little too much fun? Hot mess express. The list goes on.

Bitches be throwing shade all over the damn place! I mean, I'm gettin' it at 8am on the T, 3:30pm at Whole Foods, 6pm while hanging out in child's pose at yoga, and once it hits 11pm you better have your phasers on stun because these girls are ruthless! For the love of Jimmy Choo's, what is this world coming to? Can't a babe just enjoy the mating ritual - that is Boston nightlife - without mixing hatorade in her vodka soda? I don't like being a mean girl anymore than the next, but unfortunately a few sour grapes make it a necessity.

So, here is my plea to you, babes of Boston. Before you go out tonight, sit back, relax, and pop a fucking klonopin... just kidding (sort of). But, for real, pop a figurative chill pill and just focus on yourself tonight. Some of you are probably thinking, how the hell do I do that? Well, that's where I come in - here are a few tips to get you on the right track:

1. Get glammed up. You can't hate on anyone else when you're the hottest chick in the room, right?
2. Be a wingwoman. Besides the fact that your girlfriends will be eternally grateful, you'll feel victorious that you have just hooked her up with one of the few guys who is an 8 or higher at the bar.
3. Add salt and a lime. Tequila is an upper, so use it to your advantage. You dig?

And if all else fails, go out with a bunch of hot, straight dudes. If you don't know why that is a good idea.. we can't be friends.


Cheers to not biting each other's heads off this weeeknd!

'Til next time,

A Babe In Boston